Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
