I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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