I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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