You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
