Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
