it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
