Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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