Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
