I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
