just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
