it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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