STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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