guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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