you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
