If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
