You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
