Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
