He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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