god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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