Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
