Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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