You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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