so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
