His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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