K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
