In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
