just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
