they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
