So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
