I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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