I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
