i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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