it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
