Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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