the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Never joke about your clitoris.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
