I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
