There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
