Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
