You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
