dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
