2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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