Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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