Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize