So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Damn victory sex feels great
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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