you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
