Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
