Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You need Xanax blowdarts
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
