My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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