You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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