So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
