I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
