Need sex. Gaining weight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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