k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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