When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
