i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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