Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
