I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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