We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize