Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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