did you get engaged???
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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