yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize