It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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