U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
